First Things First

As it is the 2nd (3rd when you read this), my mind is still on the beginning of a new year.  Things I want to accomplish professionally and personally, anticipation for wonderful milestones with my baby boy, and hopes for expanding our family.  I'll get back to all of that on the next post.  Today is about priorities.

As I was working through my day - feed the baby, play, rock the baby to sleep, write/email/laundry, repeat - I read a post on Facebook that a friend's son is being moved to hospice following a battle with cancer.  The post stopped me in my tracks.  My friend is the same age as me, we went to high-school together.  She started her family earlier, so her son is nearly grown.  Still, my heart knows that he remains her baby boy and it breaks with hers at the thought of what she's facing.  I can hardly force myself to think about it.  As a new mom, my heart is too tender still, hormones too ripe - no, that wouldn't matter.  Mothers aren't supposed to bury their children.  I prayed for her right away.  I've prayed for her over and over today.

After reading her post, my perspective shifted.  My priorities got right.  I cried for her.  I found myself on my hands and knees scrubbing the shower praying for her.  Crying for her and at the same time thanking God that my greatest inconvenience of the day is fighting the mold in my shower grout.  Grateful that I have the opportunity to be exhausted from lack of sleep and days that run into each other as I change diapers, wake up at night to calm tears, feed and rock my son, clean our house (even the floors and the bathrooms), and work for my clients, without the heartbreak my friend suffers.  But for the grace of God...

Yet I know the grace of God is with her too.  It is with her son.  Though they may not always know, His grace is with all those who suffer loss, injustice, the unfairness of cancer, "random" accidents, heartbreaks that we cannot, do not understand.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit. ~Psalm 34:18

I do not understand why.  I won't pretend to understand.  I have borne witness to the losses of friends and loved ones - holding the hands and sharing my heart with others as they've lost in ways I do not fully understand.  Felt completely helpless, useless, because I didn't understand why then either.  In the midst of loss, I have known what I know still.  God does not leave us alone in our pain.  We may not always feel His presence or hear his voice, but He does not leave us.  Whatever comes, my deepest desire is that my heart be tethered to Him, to the One who knows, who sees all of history past and future together and knows the whole story. And to be able to share that with others in their suffering - and in their joy.

Abide in me and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in me. ~John 15:4

I want to abide in Jesus.  [Verb: Abide - live; dwell.]  I want to live, to dwell with Jesus. To find rest in Jesus. How do I do that in a crazy world? with so many competing "priorities"? with pain and suffering and sorrow?  The simple phrase "keep first things first" fits.  If Jesus is to be first, it must be how I start each day.  Scripture.  Prayer.  To prioritize means to make first, more important than other things.  First thing each day I need to seek His face, His will, His word.  First thing when worry, fear, calamity strike.  First thing when I see needs, feel the heartache of someone else.  To paraphrase Ann Graham Lotz...Jesus.  Just give me Jesus.  Not Jesus and ___.  Jesus is enough.  He is first.  Abide in Him today.